Mirror to your childhood!

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One thing that I have started feeling amazed about in the last few days when I think of Aarav (my 6-week old son), is how he is a mirror to my past and how amazing the growth process of life is…

How from a feeble being who can’t even convey what he feels (except for the singular crying tone for all his messages – the hardest encrypted message to decipher at times) to a person who may someday express his intricate emotions via complex prose’s (which again could be equally hard to understand)… who from a person with no ability to even hold his head today may someday travel independently through the vast expanse of this globe… shouldering varying level’s of responsibilities (least being taking care that he is alive)… of how a brain which can’t even understand what is in front of him today may someday create sense out of utterly chaotic imaginations…

The above seems too farfetched and cluttered with unnecessary English… simply put, how amazing it is to imagine him actually be a person who speaks or express in a language while all he can do is cry today.. how he could someday call me from some other part of the world when he can’t even hold himself steady today… the drift here is how he someday could do what I can today (& hopefully more) and become someone with his unique capabilities – compared to the present where he seems to be a totally dependent soul clinging on to others for his basic survival…

While the above is pretty normal course of life actually – where I get enthralled is the recognition that one day I was exactly what Aarav is today (many people have said that he even looks like me… he even has some habits like mine already –  some of it probably is our combined overstretched imagination at play as well)… that one day some few years ago, I too was only crying and did not even have control over my sussu-potty… that I too had no abilities and was totally dependent… that I too grew up into being something that I am today…
The fact that in Aarav, I see a mirror into my past and have a chance to re-live it as a person who can actually understand and realize the entire growth process (& not go through it without noticing it)… how superb it is to see a baby take the first step or see him speak his first words and grow from there… not just because he is your baby… but the process is such an amazing thing… what mechanism… what framework… what hardware… I mean from a microscopic sperm and an egg comes all this… and you don’t have to imagine anything to realize the miracle, you are the living product of this…

To see that mirror in Aarav, (though with no expectations of him being my exact replica) thrills me to no end… I will see all over again how I learnt to walk, learnt to speak, cry when he I went to school on the first day, fought for new things, got butterflies on having a crush, develop unique talents… it will be a like my autobiographical movie being played 25+ years in rewind… and I can see it live…

But then I realize when I speak to my wife – without her telling me anything… that maybe I am getting all these hallucinations because I am sitting in London right now and am not, even for a moment, at his beck and call for his incessant needs in Mumbai… may be the lack of involvement leaves too much space in my mind to conjure up all this fancy dreams… maybe once I am constantly addressing to his requirements, his cries and needs will create so much noise and anxieties in my mind that I will be left with no energy, no inclination, no space for all these observations… maybe all this is a daydream of a person who has yet not got into the act… maybe once I get involved in the growth picture, I will become one of the leading actors in the same… and will not be able to observe and enthrall myself as an outside observer… but I hoping that will not be the case…

– Written on 27 July 2009

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