Me and my wife, Jainee were discussing at a friends home over dinner to where we might end up retiring (ya it typically happens with anyone who has left their base, I guess)… given that we were no longer in our “home” country – India, but were not sure if we will be able to sustain a retirement in Singapore… and worried how the people we know in India would have moved on and we would be then going back to people and a place which will not be the same as we felt when we left…
Aarav jumped in – its ok… see in last 3 years in Singapore, I have had 2 schools… Every year I made a best friend… and they went back to what you guys call a “home” country i.e. Shawn went to Germany, Noah to Australia and Kan to Japan… I miss them, yes… but you see I made new friends as well… so its not so scary and difficult… You know what, I think I will like to stay in Europe or Japan or America… I heard they have amazing architecture there and I am really interested to see how it all is… maybe a few years in each country perhaps!
We were amazed – this comes from a guy who is pretty emotional (he even cries in an animation movie when the main character is going through a tough time)… and in 3+ years he has got so used to moving on and making new friends and live with whoever came by and wants to keep changing places for fun…
Aakanksha, my friend’s 15 year old daughter chipped in – oh yes, it was like that before as well – my dad always had to move from city to city as my grand dad was in the army and their posting would change every few years… I say its a good idea to explore… and if things don’t suit, we can always change… we are global citizens now…
Not to give in so easily – I said… well that is fine – but remember your father was still moving to places where the culture was the same… You both are talking about moving so easily and making friends easily anywhere… wait till you get older… then you will see how close friends are not so easy to make and learning and adjusting to new cultures is difficult…
Both of them literally shrugged their shoulders… meh… Aakansha started – we have video calling… see how we connect to our grandparents right now… see how we speak and see my cousins in US or India… and you know most of the time people are on their phones and social media anyways… so if we needed close friends, we can always stay connected to them – puh lease… and as about culture… well we are fine with a global culture in school – we travel to foreign locations every year for vacation… we all settled in Singapore after years in India and are fine… we will be fine don’t worry…
Jainee sensed that I was losing… so she came to my rescue, my queen in shining armor… Guys, do you understand that this is not your alone decision to make when you grow up… You will have spouses and kids and they will also influence your choice… and what if you like someone who is one country and you then decide to move on… will it not be painful… what about kids and the culture you will give them?
Aakanksha smirked – Aunty… won’t we settle down with someone who is similar to us… we are not going to end up with the first person we meet… ya we will feel bad about breaking up… IF we do decide to get married and things don’t work out, then ya, too bad… we may get divorced… it will certainly hurt… but than what to do… cannot just live in such a way is it… and as regards kids… we will see – I mean all that small babies need is love and affection… we are fine outside of our parents home country with now a global mindset… what is to say that our kids – whenever they happen wont be fine with the happy and fun world culture we will have then?
Its not so easy to breakup, divorce or have kids… I was flabbergasted… You kids have no idea about the gravity of all this…
Oh please uncle, weren’t you surprised when Aarav told you about his first coding project in school… and he is on his way to code a whole app… you only really think from your view… You cannot be raising us as how your parents raised you… because the world you grew up in is no longer there… You and aunty do not drink… but look outside – and you know it – its normal… We understand our home rules and you know it equally that there are other ways to live… This cultural bondage is just in your mind…
And whilst this was carrying on… there came my darling 5 year old daughter Chahel… dancing about and shouting… “I am Indian Chinese… can we pretend play that I am eating chicken”… We are vegetarians… and my girl has had no grounding of a homogeneous culture almost post her first year… after a few years, to her our current conversation would feel so irrelevant… A moo point…
And so at this point, both me and Jainee decided to leave it… But the thoughts left my mind stirred and agitated…
My concern is not just of the lack of a homogeneous society or cultural norms that this kids did not relate to – they were elucidated in another blog of mine before (see The horror of freedom)…
The nervousness is more about how this future human generation will live in and behave to such a fleeting and moving capability & nature of their mind… A mind which is at ease to relationships being temporary – comfortable with the Hindi saying “Tu nahi to koi aur sahi” (If not you, then someone else – no issues)… A mind which is unaffected by different value systems… A mind which does not relate to any specific country or culture as such… A person who does not believe that they do not belong to anything in specific… A nomadic mind that is at ease and at self when ‘unhinged’…
Alvin Toffler in 1970 had taken the world by storm by his idea of use and throw materialism being the new norm in his book Future Shock… That phenomena can now be seen at mass levels in every aspect of what we humans consume – the decreasing shelf life of any product we use – mobiles, cars, clothes, electronic gadgets… We easily move on and keep needing to move on!
The same temporary, unhinged, moving on psyche translated into other aspects of our life as well in 2000’s – the flooding of information due to internet and making people hooked on continuously to their 5 to 8 inch screens and yet moving on incessantly to various data points – the 5 minute of fame someone new all the time keeps getting is its testament… and any thing today to stay relevant in people’s mind needs to keep reinventing with some novelty – else be doomed to being forgotten and a thing of past pretty quickly – be it a brand, an actor, a product or dare I say even inter-personal relationships…
So we are already not hooked for life to any specific thing… we have already transformed our minds to keep moving for the pleasure of our senses, and with the internet and media – for our mind… And the same mindset and mentality percolates for value system and relationships now???
When and where I got married, dating and having a boyfriend / girlfriend was a taboo… Dating, trying few relationships before settling down is the norm today… Tomorrow – very soon live in will be the norm… and then in a couple of decades – there will be questions on the need to ‘settle down’ or the formal commitment of marriage… and as our conversation goes above… if there is, the stigma and pain of divorce on the heart will cease to exist… Divorces and breakup will become an accepted & normal life cycle of a relationship – you hook up, you may commit, but then you will at some point separate… what goes up, comes down – same thing… and whilst there might be temporary pain, the mind will be able to move on easily… Physical virginity is no longer the norm (in fact a matter of ridicule or sympathy I guess if one still is in their 20’s) today… Mental virginity won’t be a desired or expected norm tomorrow in such a society…
Is it good or bad? My kids will be devoid of pains that come with breakups if and when they occur… But then their effort to maintain a relationship will also hence be greatly reduced – given that breakup is expected…
Something similar for the way of life… my kids – find everything normal… they wont just have any home country… they are at ease to move on from one place to another – experimenting locations and if does not suit, change cities or countries or continents… at ease of making acquaintances and not yearn for deeper friendships… at least not needing one with physical distance – virtual internet enabled connection will suffice…
Maybe they will feel for a cause – but it won’t necessarily be for a particular place or based on their race or religion… they are being groomed as global citizens, who will need to find their cause and faith… rather than having got one in inheritance by birth…
What will be the emotions & desires of such an unhinged life… devoid of belonging-ness, at ease and in fact in constant need to move on, not surprised with any value system and way of life, finding their own cause, purpose and faith… and juxtapose the bio-technological developments that Yuval Noah Hariri talks about in Sapiens and Homo Dues – one where we will be able to manufacture emotions at will, live for eternity and control nature like gods… and you have a new human life that may just begin in the lifetime of our kids – and if we are lucky (or unlucky) witness it before we go…
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