The horror of freedom…

Jainee & me were strolling leisurely on Orchard Street in Singapore – enjoying the Christmas decor, on our anniversary after a fun filled day… and were reminiscing – wondering how our lives had changed… And how neither of us could have predicted or had even aimed for such a life like what we had today when we got together 15 years back…

How just two and a half years back, life was so much more predictable, certain in approach – or rather felt more controllable… Though we knew the frailties of life and how things were changing in India at a rapid place… We always felt a strong base and structured environment in which we were living and our kids were growing up… An environment that whilst was changing, was happening in same fashion for everyone who were so much like us and in the same cultural system – and hence the expected impact and reaction / change was going to be similar and more familiar… Or rather normally managed with a strong communal change…

In simple words… We knew that whilst we don’t, but our kids might drink… That whilst we didn’t, but our kids might have many relationships before settling down… And we would see how in India parents managed this and how still it was not culturally normal or becomes one generally…

Coming to Singapore, now the environment is more global… Not just drinking, but smoking… Not just relationships, but live in or even no marriage / no kids… Is not just existing but normal already… And whilst we may have our very different culture at home, the societal chains ain’t that strong around them – as the normal out there is different or non-existent…

Untethered from the fixed norms that our parents, society and culture and religion had given us in India… By immersing ourselves in a larger pool, our kids are now mentally free from the stigma of any choices they could make… Almost everything is acceptable… As there is no ‘conservative’ normal that exists… Except for how one behaves and affects the public… Private life now is free of communal judgements…

And to this Jainee was scared… What will we give our children… Our parents thought us what is wrong and what is right… Gave us a moral system to demarcate between good and bad… Were wise & broad minded enough to ensure that we know that things exist in the world but still imbibed in us what was acceptable in our life and where the red line was… However with the new freedom, global outlook… By having loosened ourselves from the bunds of our cultural stream, have we not lost the ability to give direction to our selves and to our kids?

It’s such a two way street isn’t it, I was quick to remind her…

How the same cultural nuances and value system felt suffocating and restrictive at one time… Like the choice of education she was allowed… to the job she was allowed to take initially…

How we ourselves had many times conciously rebelled and taken decisions which our society felt were quite adventurous… From putting our son in an alternative school to bringing home our daughter not from her tummy but from our heart… how the same festivities that we now cherish in Singapore as we feel they give us some roots, felt overwhelming and boisterous back in India…

The thing is… We felt we had no choice in India… & now we did… And that freedom had come because we were no longer in a homogeneous society… So we could choose our moral system and society as we liked…

But that’s just a post mortem analytics on choice we felt and it being a description as the cause of what we felt…

But the real issue was the feeling of unease that stemmed more from a fear or uncertainty about the future and our inability to be sure of our judgement’s and capability to manage situations in an ungrounded environment that we were now in… No matter how ironic it may seem, the previous suffocating pre-decided fixated norms gave us some ground of certainty… This new open space environment didn’t…

And that leads to how we become directionless and confused as humanity in where we are headed…

In a world where we are increasingly or almost totally reliant and have all our belief in science, we find many people here trying to find their faith and choosing a religion to follow by choice…

In a world, where everyone wants capitalism and private property and choices… We find people yearning for social security, free insurance, reservations, loan waivers, etc and blame the government / want its patronage when things are going wrong…

The real issue is – we are beings who want freedom, but no duties… authority but no responsibility… We conciously and unconsciously try to find external factors or beings or things as causes to blame when things don’t go as expected… And no matter how much we want independance & acceptance free of judgement – we all want a safety net of belonging and tested norms to fall back on if our ideas don’t work out…

We want freedom to own cars… But complain of traffic jams on others… We want to own multiple homes but complain of rising home prices or continuous constructions… We want to have children and hate any formal restriction on number of kids… But want to complain about crowds and cut throat competition… The list is endless…

Our reality is like a kite… The strings of the society hold us back to known grounds… Restrict us from flowing with the wind… But here’s the deal… Whilst we may feel the urge to be free and blow with any wind current we like… The reality of our being is, that once we are free of the strings… We will glide till some distance when the wind blows… But the moment the air dies away, we have nothing in us to keep us afloat – we will fall down anywhere without control… And we also don’t really choose which wind currents to fly with if not held by the strings… We are blown away with the strongest one – in a direction of its choice, not ours… But the strings – they have a force below to guide us, steer us in a direction – whether we like it or not… And if the winds were to die down, there is someone to keep tugging to keep us afloat…

We cannot bear the consequences of our choices if we were fully aware that it was only ours and no one else to put it on… Or conscience will put us in depression and not just regret…

There is a price to pay for freedom of choice – and we need to be aware of it… But we are not… We are not capable to take the responsibility of our decisions by ourselves and survive on our own… We are social beings and need a moral system that is cumulatively accepted by people to live together – and that will not always be to everyone’s liking all the time…

But to live in a dream sequence where one harps upon freedom to live life by only ones own norm is a nightmare… For one doesn’t realise the inability to bear the price our conscience will levy in grim situations when we are alone for ourselves…

And that is why the title of this blog is not the the price of freedom… Because a lack of awareness of that price… That is the horror…

When as immature teenagers we rebel and decide to be a free soul… Believe in and stand for nothing in specific… And then when we fall for anything… When the shit hits the ceiling… We grope for support, find causes to blame… And at that time, suddenly we realise that we have only ourselves to reach out to and only ourselves to blame… Many cannot live through that tragic life…

That is when we realise… The horror of having chased that freedom…