“Just go and give your IELTS for English language. Your last one expired in August this year. Those scores were more than enough for full points possible, so you are going to be ok. And don’t even bother to get your wife’s IELTS, for PR application your points are enough”, the immigration lawyer told me.
So off I went and gave my IELTS again. The scores this time were higher in writing by 0.5 and lower in speaking by 0.5. Overall lower by 0.5.
I felt a tinge disappointed. I knew right after the speaking test that I could have used better phrases to showcase my command over the language and my vocabulary. That nagging downgrade remained at back of my head. I just felt that by my standards, I had let this down.
And this was in spite of me being aware that my new IELTS score was still above range to get full points in that category for my PR application – which is what the test was for and all that should matter.
Yet, I had taken it in my head for the test to mean something a little more to me and it took me a couple of days to let go.
This is exactly what happens with most of us. We decide to pursue something or someone for a reason, but after a point, it starts having a different meaning to us in our life. Either we lose perspective of what that thing was for us, or even if we are aware, we decide consciously or unconsciously to get emotionally attached to it differently.
Wearing something particular for a trend, when turns to an habit, we don’t know. Doing something as an experiental experience becomes an addiction. A casual relationship how come leads to a severe heartbreak later on. Getting a qualification or how much we earn suddenly instead of a means to live becomes the definition of our worth or life.
If you haven’t watched the haunting of bly manor on Netflix, watch it. That concept of ghost is perfectly described in it. We become prisoners of our pursuit – after a point, unaware why we really are in that chase. To an extent of losing our original identity.
It is however axiomatic that more often than not rather than a destination, it is the journey that is the real source of experience. That the journey’s experience does change us and is supposed to – that’s how we learn, grow, mature. So as we do go for something, we are bound to and should change and gather experiences. It would be a shame if only the original objectives achievement mattered and we blinded ourselves to the process in between. It’s not possible as well.
I have equal memories of my struggles of studies as I have of my elation or sadness of their results – and I recount both of them with equal spirit today. I speak eloquently with my colleagues of the challenging times I went through in my past jobs as well as what we achieved in the end. My CV might be a 2 page summary of results… but what I am and cherish is the learning experiences and maturity that I gathered from the journey, more than those results probably. This applies to personal and social aspects as well in my life.
Think of it, we speak of our life journey more than our results.
And it’s not always that it is negative. There are equally immense joys people find in losing themselves in surprising endeavors.
The point is, life is nothing but our experiences and its memories. And if anything is making us depressed… it might be good to assess – is the sadness for reasons that don’t seem to be something we actually aimed for?
This knowledge that we have a tendency of getting attached to things for no reason… might help ensure we snap out of it and don’t collect baggage we don’t have to. And worse become ghosts of ourselves.
Inside VG... 